I was just overcome by how much I absolutely hate this.
That’s vague, I suppose.
When I dedicate myself really consistently to a healthy food and exercise lifestyle, I go hard. I log every single piece of food I put in my mouth. I work out consistently, but not to the point where it is unsustainable. I got full beast mode for a good 2 or 3 weeks, and then I’ll decide to reward myself for all my hard work. The reward won’t be huge – 2 margaritas at Friday night dinner rather than one. A bagel for breakfast on Sunday morning. An extra handful of M&Ms as dessert.
And then I’ll step on the scale the next day and somehow, that one indulgence will have set me back a pound or more. And I’ll get discouraged, because I have a significant amount of weight to lose, and if I can’t indulge at all, this is a mighty long tunnel and there isn’t so much a light at the end as there is a faint glow.
So I’ll throw up my hands and binge on foods that are now too rich for my palate. And I’ll feel awful and gross and miserable and disappointed in myself afterwards.
And then I’ll decide to start again. But I’ve blown the progress I’d made, so I’m starting back up pretty close to where I started. Plus, it’s only a matter of time until, after several weeks of dedication, I feel like giving myself a small reward. And then the whole thing starts over again.
I lose confidence and motivation. The one thing I don’t lose, is weight.
But here’s the thing, in 4 months and 25 days, I’m losing something else — my last name. And I have the most beautiful Shareen Bridal gown to do it in. And while I look great in it now, I’ll look even greater if I tone – and tan, to be honest – up and lose a few pounds.
So, like most things, I’m a work in progress. And I’ve always done better when i have someone else that I’m accountable to. That’s where this blog comes in. While I don’t know anyone in particular who’ll be reading this, on the other occasions when I’ve dipped my toe into blogging via WordPress, I’ve gotten random likes and comments from people on this site. So someone is out there. And you, dear reader, you will be my accountability.buddy.
In exchange, I’ll share the nutrition and workout tips and info and inspo I glean on my journey – I’m a compulsive researcher. I want to know how stuff works. I’ll let you know as I figure it out.